


Holidays at the Kents'

by ChimaeraKitten



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Holidays, No editing we die like mne, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:31:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChimaeraKitten/pseuds/ChimaeraKitten
Summary: Lois was not prepared for the Kent family holidays





	

**Author's Note:**

> Minimal editing because I had to post it before christmas. Takes inspiration from about a million (read: five) other holiday pics i've read. Not nearly as good as any of them.

Lois wasn’t exactly sure what happened.

One moment she was telling Clark she didn’t have plans for the holidays and the next he was pulling up out front of her apartment in a battered old Honda.

Despite it being too late, she nevertheless asked: “Smallville, are you sure about this? I’ve never met your parent’s before, and a whole week alone with them might—“

“Actually there’s going to be a whole bunch of people there this year.” He said, stealing her bag to load in the trunk.

As far as she knew, Clark didn’t have much extended family, so she couldn’t fathom why anyone else would be there.

Seeing her confusion he elaborated: “Well I finally convinced Bruce’s kids that they all needed a change of pace, and they’re dragging him out. Plus the West-Allens are coming out too, and few of my other friends.”

She had no idea who any of those people were.

“So it’s really a perfect time for you to meet my parents because they’ll be too busy to even pay attention to you really.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Clark! Are you implying that your parents wouldn’t like me?”

He floundered a bit, which was cute. “No, I uh…”

She punched him playfully, or attempted to anyway, because he leaned out of the way. “Just kidding. Lighten up!”

He visibly relaxed “It’ll be fun Lois, I promise.”

She wasn’t so sure about that, but she got in the car anyway. He walked around to the driver’s side and swung in. It was kind of comical, contrasting a huge man with a relatively small car. Speaking of the car “I didn’t know you _had_ a car.”

“I didn’t. I only bought this one a few weeks ago.”

Glancing around the inside, she said: “I hope you didn’t pay too much.”

Laughing, he pulled out of the space with a lurch. The car made a sound like a dying frog.

“Parking break.”

“Oh, right.”

They didn’t talk again until they were on the interstate. Mainly because Lois feared for her life should she distract him at all. After the third near miss she began to wonder whether he knew how to drive. At some point the radio had crackled to life of it’s own accord, and was playing, was that… Christmas hip-hop?

“So,” she said, pitching her voice to carry above the music, “why so many people for Christmas this year?”

It took him a second to respond, like he was tying to figure out how much to tell her. “We’ve been trying to get Bruce to come for ages, but this year I realized that the only way to get him to leave Gotham was to convince his kids. The Wests and the Allens just thought this year would be a good year to get out of the city for the holidays. Diana just wanted to experience ‘American consumerist rituals’ as she put it. I’m not sure about everyone else. I think most of them just heard ‘a week of free food’ and decided to tag along.” He laughed. “In fact, I’m not entirely sure of the headcount. We’re borrowing our neighbor’s RV just to make sure we have enough space for everyone, oh, and technically it’s not Christmas, more like Christmukkah-Kwanzaa-Saturnalia-Yuletide.”

“Christmukkah-what?”

“Well, my family is closer to being Jewish than Christian, but everyone in Smallville celebrates Christmas so we sorta picked it up.”

“That doesn’t explain the other holidays.”

“The guests are… diverse.”

Lois wondered what the hell she’d gotten herself into.

…

After five and a half hours in the car, four gas stops, and a late lunch at a diner that was actually two RV’s cobbled together, they pulled into the Kent driveway.

Well, driveway didn’t exactly cover it. It was about a mile long, separated from the rest of the landscape only by the slushy tire tracks on it. Clark’s car was sputtering dangerously by the time they rolled up out-front of the house. The engine died before Clark even turned the key.

“Ha! It made it all the way here! Bruce owes me 20 bucks!”

Lois was glad she hadn’t been aware of this bet back in Metropolis, or she probably wouldn’t have gotten in the car.

She climbed out of the (now ever so slightly smoking) car and sank about a foot into the snow. “COLD!”

Clark laughed, completely unfazed by the snow. He collected the bags out of the trunk of the Honda; only flinching slightly when closing the trunk caused the side view mirror to fall off. “We can fix that!” He said brightly, and headed up to the porch. She picked her way through the snow while Clark patiently waited to go inside on the porch. She wasn’t sure if that was sweet or annoying. No, definitely annoying, because he was laughing at her wobbling across the uneven ground in her heels. She picked her way around the half dozen other cars and around what looked like a makeshift wheelchair ramp, and finally climbed up the stairs to the porch. She could hear talking and Christmas music drifting through the walls.

Clark pushed open the door and yelled “Ma! Pa! We’re here!”

Lois barely had time to steel herself before a flurry of sound and motion erupted inside. Something impacted her gut and she looked down to see Clark’s cousin Kara wrapped around her waist. “LOIS! So good to see you! It’s been _ages_.”

She was pretty sure she’d seen Kara about a month ago, but whatever.

“Hello Miss Lane.”

Oh. Oh god. Was that Bruce _Wayne_? What the fuck was he doing here!?

“Bruce! You owe me 20 bucks! The car made it all the way here! —No, don’t look so skeptical, it did! Tell him Lois.”

Realizing she was being asked to speak, Lois squeaked out: “It’s true, the car made it.”

“See! Cough up!”

While Bruce grumbled and fished around for a twenty, the rest of the house took the opportunity to swarm the door.

“Clark! What’s up?”

“Hi Lois!”

“You _drove_!? No way!”  
            That last speaker was a redheaded young man with a mischievous smirk on his face. He was holding hands with… holy hell was that Linda Park?

“You can’t talk Wally, you don’t drive either.”

“Yeah but At least I _can_. Do you even have a license?”

“I’ve had a license since I was 16. I just… haven’t used it in a year.”

Suddenly those near misses on the highway made a lot more sense.

The redheaded guy -Wally- yelled up the stairs. “Oi, you heathens, come say hi to Lois and Clark!”

There was the sudden sound of feet pounding down stairs and a bunch of kids and teenagers popped up. A chorus of “Hi!”s and “Happy Holidays!” rose from the terrifyingly large assembled group.

Luckily for Lois’s sanity, they lost interest quickly, and drifted into the kitchen, only to be driven out into the living room by a shriek of “It’s not ready yet! You can wait fifteen minutes!”

A woman Lois could only assume was Martha Kent emerged from the kitchen, shaking her head “Teenagers. Never can wait.”

“Hi Ma!” Clark dropped the luggage in favor of hugging her. “Sorry we’re late.”

“Honestly Clark, I’m surprised that car made it here at all!”

“ _Ma!”_

“I’m just saying.”

“Ma, this is Lois.”

Lois found herself subjected to what she could only describe as a parental scan. She fidgeted. Normally she couldn’t care less what people thought of her, but for some reason she wanted this woman’s approval. Maybe because she was Clark’s mother, maybe because she’d been able to drive a dozen teenagers out of her kitchen with just a shout.

Clark broke the silence: “Hey, I’m going to run Lois’s bags upstairs, be back in a sec.”

And then she was alone. Gee, thanks Clark.

After another beat sizing her up. Martha’s face broke into a warm smile. “So _you’re_ the mythical Lois Lane. You know, for a while none of us thought you were real.”

“What?”

“Well Clark only ever had positive things to say about you, but nobody had met you yet. Also you have the Ls, which is grounds for instant suspicion.”

At the risk of sounding like a parrot, Lois said repeated herself: “What?”

An older man (who had to be Jonathan Kent) joined into the conversation with “See, we thought he was just making you up to stay in the closet, but then Kara met you, and we realized you were real.”

“You thought I was fake because you thought Clark was gay? That’s hilarious!” It wasn’t really, but she felt like she had to add an opinion on to the end of the statement.

Evidently her response had passed some sort of test, because both Kent parents nodded. “I have to make sure the garlic bread doesn’t burn, talk to you later Lois dear.” Said Martha, already heading back into the kitchen.

“Garlic bread?” she directed the question at Jonathan.

“Lasagna and garlic bread on December 21st is a Kent family tradition.” He said, matter of fact, as if all families had traditional food for the 21st of December.

He wandered away, just as Clark reappeared next to her.

She turned and poked him in the chest. “I can’t believe you left me alone with your parents!” She squeaked.

“Hey it turned out alright. You’ve gotta rip the Band-Aid off.”

“You’ve never ripped a Band-Aid off in your life!”

“You’re right.” He shook his head. “I soak them off every time. I just can’t stand the pain.” She slight smirk on his face was the only tip off to the joke.

She smacked him on the shoulder. It was like smacking a wall. “Ass.”

“Oh, but what would you do without me?”

“Survive the holidays, that’s what.”

There was a sudden CRASH from outside. He smiled. “Diana’s here.”

Lois wondered if this “Diana” had crashed her car into the barn.

…

Diana had not, in fact, crashed her car into the barn.

Because Diana had no car.

Because Diana was Wonder Woman.

Lois wondered how Clark had neglected to inform her of this little tidbit.

Though, then again, he failed to tell her that the “Bruce” attending this party was Bruce Wayne, so she guessed Wonder Woman wasn’t that much of a stretch.

At this rate, Superman and Batman would turn up too, it’s not like this party could get any crazier. She was supposed to stay here for a _week_?


End file.
